Inside a lonely heart

If you love people more than they love you, you're crazy. It is sad that you are not allowed to do this. What do you do when you love others so much and they don't love you. It is a crime to care too much. Some would say that it is called stalking. I have a problem like this. I don't want to harm anyone, I just want to love people. I don't think that this is fair. You can get up to a year in jail just for liking someone and persuing them when they don't want to be around you. It's sad when your not loved. I've grown more accustomed to it. This used to really kill me inside, but I have Jesus now. Whether I am accepted or not by the world, I have a much larger prize then any other relationship. Loneliness is a one word description of my entire life. I get so used to it sometimes and don't want to hang out with someone when they ask me. Why is the world like this? It just doesn't seem like this would happen in a place that is run by a perfect god. I guess it is a plan that God has, to get me to need him? No one is happy enough, in whatever place they are at for long. I don't even know if I care that I am happy or not anymore. It just seems like a waste of time to persue happiness because it doesn't hang around for much time. Joy is far deeper. It is an emotion you can have in the worst days of your life. There is an odd verse in the bible that says," Count it all joy when you fall into various trials." I hunger for this ability, sometimes I think I am getting closer. God does not unite us as much as we'd like him to. I believe God, that there are betters days to come... but I may have to die first. My hope is not on Earth anymore. I've lost my mind for god. Who else is there? Heaven is all I think about. this place is dead... there is nothing here that excites me more than the day I get to see my father in heaven. Imagine if there was no God.