The life and thoughts of Dave: How real is real?

How do we avoid being fake? It seems impossible and even with God it doesnt't change much. I wonder why this is. I don't want to be plastic with people. No matter how much I try, there are people in this world I don't care about. It even saddens me that I am phony. I wonder in my heart if there is any hope for me. It doesn't seem to get any easier, no matter how hard I try to fix it. The more effort I make to be real, the more artificial I feel. Is this possible to love with an undying love. Why does love die? Aren't we made to love each other as God loved us? I wonder sometimes if God is even in me. Why do I care if I can't do it? This leaves me baffled as a squirrel in traffic. The wall in my chest never seems to leave no matter how much I want it to. It doesn't like to let people in very far. I need help with this. Why do I care if I'm hurt? I've been hurt most of my life. I wonder sometimes if what I seek is a gifting that only certain people have. Maybe there are certain levels of compassion. I wonder if we are all called to love in different ways. This is a deep mystery to me. I will not stop seeking the answer to this. Is it possible to rejoice in our sufferings? Maybe it's a process. I don't want God to catch me like this when I die. It is very weird that it is so hard to do what Jesus asked us to do. He gave us one commandment that is harder than all of the rest of them put together. Is this love made up? Is this too high of a standard? God knows who we are and he wouldn't set us up for failure. Are you stumped yet. I weep for every sad heart and lost soul screaming for help. I don't know that I love them. I don't know if I'm doing enough. Do you ever feel like this? Do you care as much as I do?

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