Am I crazy

Sometimes I wonder if God picks his days to hear people. Sometimes I think he doesn't listen to me at all. I need to have something tangible from him, so I know for certain that I am not losing my mind. Many times I feel crazy waiting for God. It's a good thing i don't hang with people that tell me I don't have enough faith when my life sucks. I've always sort of believed there was a God. If I hang out with Christians they'll tell me I am right. I honestly hope I am right that there is a Messiah because quite frankly I need one. If I talk to God all the time, why doesn't he speak to me,or at least say good morning. I thank him for the food he gives us and no matter how thankful I am, I never hear," YOUR WELCOME DAVID." If God loves us why doesn't he ever say that. Why doesn't he ever tell us that he loves to give, like we do. It would be a lot different if we could just hear one word in our life from God or if he was even a little nicer and said," David you bring joy to my heart." Or " David you're really screwing up right now!!!!!!!!!!" I want to hear God. I want to be frightened by his voice. If I was horrified at least I would know if he was real for sure. I know God is real, but hallucinations are real if you are done, checked out of this world ,crazy. Why does spirituality feel so unhealthy? Is there a horrible side effect if you really want to have faith? Maybe I do need medication. The crazy people really do hear something that is obviously God to them. If I really did hear God or had a conversation with him, the church would think I'm crazy. So, maybe I'm crazy for wanting to hear the voice of God. If God talked audibly there'd be a lot less confusion. No one could possibly dismiss the fear of the Lord.