The joy of a nose flute

Last night at my birthday celebration, while we are waiting to eat, my friend Corbyn gave me a present. " I got you a nose flute. I think you will love this and make lots of music with it." He said. I then tried to play it, but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Corbyn then told me to let him try it. He figured it out and told me how to do it. So I then got the hang of it and five minutes later, I was able to play an entire scale. Everyone was laughing. I then played the Notre Dame fight song. Everyone was dying with laughter and they lost it when I played a Beethoven song with it. All with my nose. Then we went in and had the best barbecue in The State of Texas. I got the all you can eat. It was absolutely delicious. I had a great time there. On the way home, I played worship songs on the nose flute to Jeff and Kelly. They are my favorite friends of all but are only a few shy points ahead of my other friends. I only pick good friends. They took me home and I went to sleep. I woke up this morning and played jams all morning. I walked to the bus playing the nose harp. I went to the drag and started playing again. I danced all over the place. I noticed a whole lot of people smiling as they walked by. Some were even laughing. I made people fall over when they saw that I was playing music with my nose. I could not stop I tooted all over the place with it. I could tell I was making lots of people feel happy. I played it until my mouth was sore, right about the time the sun went down. I had a blast with it, it was only a two dollar present but it kept me happy and laughing all day. You should have been there.

Maybe I have gone crazy.

I hope no one ostracizes me for what I'm about to say. I am beginning to wonder if gay people are going to heaven too. Every person is going to die with sin in their heart. No sin is any better than any other. Someone who loves God will die with greed in their heart, and another with porn in his, and another with lust. Every single person will have sin they have not repented for. Check out these verses in the book of Luke.

⁹To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee stood up and prayed about^a]">[a] himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

¹³"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

¹⁴"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

WOW!! Is a gay person any more worthless than a tax collector? Do you have sin in your life? I am not saying I am right, but I do wonder about this. If a gay person dies two weeks after he gets saved, is he going to go to hell if he is still gay? I think we might have it all wrong. I was an alcoholic when I got saved. What if I had died with a bottle of liquor in my hand? Would I have gone to hell? Maybe I have gone crazy. If you think I have, have mercy on me.

Are you sucessful?

The success of man will not be measured by what he has, or even what he gives away. God wants us to love him above everything we own. He wants us to bless the world with our time and money. Unless you die super rich, you will more than likely die broke. If cancer takes all your money will you be successful, or broke? God gives you what you have to bless the world with, not to hoard it, and to have some personal contest with your self. All joy is in giving. I never see many rich peoplethat look happy. If you have too much stuff give it away to someone who needs it. The bible says that giving will bring you happiness. I have been broke many times and the most joyous times I've ever had was when I didn't have any money at all. There are lots of things that don't even involve money that are fun to do. Volunteering can be lots of fun. God hopes that you will have the heart to do this. Volunteerism is not only a joy for you, but a blessing for others. The world needs you more than you know. There are helpless people out there that really could benefit from your love. People who can't eat on their own would starve if it weren't for the saints of this world. Your money could help to end extreme poverty. Your time could make a life of hell seem a little more comfortable. The rich man gets man's glory, but the glory of God is far from him, if he is selfish. May God show you what you are supposed to do with what you have. One more person's love does make the world a little better.

The essence of freedom

I have always been a fan of free speech. If I don't agree with someone I would still want them to have the right to say what they want, even if they really make me angry. This freedom is the essence of liberty. If you are not allowed to open your mouth and say what you feel, then you are no longer a free person. I would fight for anyone's right to speak their mind whether they are white supremacists or any other group I cannot stand. Everyone has a right to hate somebody. It may not be godly or right, but in order to have what we want, and to keep it intact, we have to honor everyone else. Our own right to speak is kept intact by other people's right to say what they want to. When you take someone's freedom away, they might retaliate viciously, when their party is in office. The most beautiful part of freedom is the ability to say what you want to without fear. Judges make rules from time to time that dictate what words we are allowed to use. I don't care what anyone says as long as they don't physically harm others. Words are the fruit of belief and if you are not allowed to say what you want to, you're beliefs are persecuted too. The Right Wing is getting a dose of their own medicine now and they hate it. Now they are under attack for speaking out and I don't think this is right either. There is more than enough hatred to go around and no one is profiting from it but Bayer Aspirin and Tylenol. I personally make an effort not to be offended by other people. Sometimes I fail, but I do want to keep free speech intact. I wish you the best as well. Make God set you free from your fear and anger. I hope you get to feel his peace.

An odd sight on Guadalupe St.

The other day I was standing with my sign at twenty- fourth and Guadalupe and I saw something I'd never seen before. This may have been the saddest sight I've ever seen. I saw three police motorcycles block Guadalupe. "Is this a parade?" I was thinking. Then a hearse and limousine came rolling out of the Methodist church parking lot. There were two cars following them. It was the smallest funeral procession I ever saw. It looked pathetic. It made me wonder. Did anyone like this guy? Was the man a bum, or was he some old man that outlived all his family and friends? I would have gone, if I had known that there weren't going to be many people at this man's funeral. I had to ask myself, "Does this happen a lot?" I've seen more people than this at a prayer meeting and there were ten people there. Does the funeral really say anything about you? Maybe the man had lot's of friends and they lived out of state. The curiosity got to me I stopped to see if I could find out who this funeral was for online just a minute ago. This woman was a teacher for twenty years and had a very small family. I wonder if her friends couldn't make it. She was from Orange. It is kind of a long drive. Maybe all the friends were too old to make the trip. Anyway,it just made me wonder. I hope her friends didn't forget about her. It was still kind of a sad funeral parade. Maybe at the end of your life you just don't have many people left. In the quick sand of memory your friends forget you and you forget all your friends.

It may not be dead

I was thinking the other day and discovered that square dancing, with a little work could really be cool. The biggest complaint I ever heard about it is that people don't enjoy the clothing. The first thing I hear from women is," I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a hoop skirt." A man will typically say, " the music is horrible." Those are the only two things that you hear about usually. What if square dancing was turned into a fashion event and the music was better? There is much hope for this old past time. It is very much part of American dance history. This was a way that people used to socialize. Why did everyone give up so fast  on it? They could have recreated it with the times. I used to love watching it, when I was a kid. The dancers always looked so happy. It was obviously something that stimulated thought. I have to agree that the clothing was a little ancient, but it wasn't too horribly bad. It used to make me feel warm inside when we would go to the dance hall on saturday. There was a part of me that really enjoyed see it. I always wanted to do it but the clothing kind of scared me too. It seemed a little weird to wear a towel bar on your pants. Poker was brought back from the dead. Could you possibly do square dancing to hip-hop? I hope that someone is brave enough to rework it

and make it fashionable. It may not be dead.

My days as a carny man

When I graduated high school my parents (my dad and my stepmother) bought me a train ticket and a suitcase for a graduation present. They more or less threw me out, I was confused and very much in horror. Did they love me? I was on my way to live with my mother, whom I hadn't seen more than three times in the thirteen years they'd been divorced. I lived there for a year and was spoiled for about four months of it. My mother and her husband were getting furious with me because I misused everything they gave me. I was never given anything as a child and they made everything so hard to earn it wasn't worth it. So, I gave up. My mother told me I had to figure out what to do, after a year of living with her. I had no real life experience and so, I joined the carnival. I was terrified, I felt like it was the only choice I had. The hours were very long and the heat was vicious. I hated it. You worked from dawn to midnight. When I was finished at night I would have to stop and rest two or three times before I made it home. This carnival was the last one in the world that traveled by train. The rooms weren't much bigger than closets and the things was roach infested. You slept on what seemed like old prison matresses. At night the roaches would crawl all over you. The living conditions were ripe for misery. The train was often very dreary. I worked for the company for six months as a ride worker and was very exhausted when I quit. The average work week at the fairs was a hundred hours. They paid you a salary of two hundred dollars a week. I will never work for the carnival again. I did love the train rides. it was the only thing I loved about working for them. Most of the people there were hardened ex- criminals or misfits thrown away by there families. I learned to love every single one of them, despite one of them giving me a black eye. As much as I hated the carny life, I never regret the times I had there. Hard gueling nasty work helps you grow up.

The search for reality

I spent so much of my youth looking for what was real. Something that made me happy or stimulated me was always my classification for reality. If it didn't do anything for me it was not real. I wasted a lot of years looking for this and ended up more and more hurt. The more I tried to be real the more fake I got. One day I got tired of being real and just starting acting like Dave wanted to be and who he really was. Things began to change in my life. Everyone started telling me I was one of the realest people one could ever meet, but I'm not usually their favorite person to hang out with. If you are real, don't expect many people to come knocking on your door. Reality is frightening for a lot of people. Reality is truth. It has the same effect as a snake does. I am real and most of the time I'm real lonely and you will be too, if you decide to be yourself. If you're seeking reality in effect you are looking for social death. Everything is real, the fake people and the things we hate. Take a breath... It's real, whether you are or not. Everything that happens is real. Everyone is a real person, even if they act fake. People act fake, and the act of them being fake is very real. Genuine can also be genuinely fake. Some people are authentic phonies, "The Real McCoy". If your looking for real all you have to do is fart.

Sorrow

I know nothing

the more I know

and sometimes knowing

when to shut up

is the most important

of all pieces

of knowledge there

is to be had.

And what I know

often makes me sad.

Are there some things

that aren't even worth

the time to hear,

even though

they're

sad as a

closed

casket

funeral.

Maybe God does

not want us to know

about every sad

thing in the

world

all we

would ever be

is sad.

How little things affect beauty.

Beauty is weird how it works. Someone can be very pretty and be very ugly because they never smile. Little things can make or break people. I am starting to learn the importance of it. I'm growing up, and BOY!! I HATE IT!!  The truth is upsetting, but it would make us all better if we took it to heart. If you dress like a slob, people will think you're a slob. Slob represents, "I don't care!" I never really thought about this until today. If you don't care about you, how can anyone entrust their heart to you? Here I am, being a hypocrite, but now I think I understand why it's important to care. If you go out of your way to look ugly, you will make others feel uncomfortable, and sometimes insecure. I feel bad now because there are somethings I may have to give up. Farting is fun, but maybe it does make people look ugly. I wonder how many people are beautiful, but no one can stand to get near their breath. I need to grow up. I hope you do too. I'm getting uncomfortable as I write this, but it's necessary. I need help, I need will power and control. Imagine a world if no one cared and no one showered or brushed their teeth. Everyone would have dog breath, except dogs would smell better. If your date sees you bedroom she may not have any further romantic interest in you. Your bedroom can make you look ugly. Your hair can make you look awful too. You may not care, but your appearance does make other people miserable. I'm discovering that looking nice communicates respect. WOW!! I do feel quite stupid right now. Everything that can cause a bad distraction can effect your image, including belching and farting. I think about me so much sometimes that I don't realize the importance of appearance. I am embarrassed when I think about this. there is more to good hygene than your health.

The mechanics of behavior

Upon further review, maybe people cannot help who they are a lot of the time. I wonder if I am way too harsh on people. After all, sometimes I'm very nasty to others. I believe now, that everything that is evil is caused by fear. I am making an assumption but, I think the next thing I'm about to say is right. No one, I mean nobody, likes to be fake or mean to others. People are doing everything wrong that they do for a release, of either stress or grief or anger. Everyone is hurting when they do things that are atrocious. I wonder if I need to have more mercy with others. If people knew how to relieve themselves of their misery justly, there would not be any crime. This really makes me wonder if anyone is really bad. It makes me think to the comment that Anne Frank made about the Nazi's," All people no matter how mean they are, are good at heart." Not everyone in the world is going to be liked. Do many people like beets? You can't make people like them, no matter how hard you try. People will eat them if they are very, very hungry, but I don't think many people love them. People will like anyone if they are desperate, but rarely do they want to hang out with the ones that are good for them. Most people like meat and potatoes, the great stuff, but too much of this will kill you. If you only like what excites you, you will never grow. You will never change. As much as people fake love, no one wants to be fake. Some people don't try to change because they are frightened of being hurt. you can't love anyone without getting hurt once in a while, and hurt badly. Some people try and always fail because they're afraid that they aren't genuine. Love takes practice, no matter how weird this idea seems. You have to pretend to love before you actually can. You can't ride a bike without getting hurt the first ten times you ride it. After you fall down a few times you can ride it, and you love it!! Do we love swimming, right when learn how to do it. Love and integrity is a learning process. All behaviors are learned. All your favorite foods are learned, and so, is your ability to love.

The hardest thing to forgive

The hardest thing I ever forgave has in some ways scarred me for life. It was nineteen ninety four and I was living in Orlando at the time that this event happened. My life was very fast, I would get wasted every night and stay up till almost daylight sometimes. In the month of may of that year, I met a woman named Michelle. She was a very sweet gal and I really began to like her a lot. I was beginning to love her. We would hang out together in this bar called Skinny's every other night, she thought I was very funny and she was starting to feel gooey towards me. I guess she still had feelings for her other boyfriend because the thing between us never became a relationship. After about a month I began to feel like I was being teased. I got angry with her and told her that I just wanted to be friends. I don't know if i meant it. Later that night when I got off work I went and bought her a rose and gave it to her. I was in love with her and she wasn't in love with me. I told her that I would be back later to talk to her. I went and watched amateur boxing at night club that was at that time called Zuma Beach. After watching a couple of really good fights and drinking a few zima's, I went down and chatted with my friend Rambo that sold sausages on Orange Avenue. We talked about all the pretty girls that walked by and laughed and joked until about one- thirty. I walked back over to Skinny's and saw Michelle with another guy, she looked happy and so I did not bother her and I went back to hang out with Rambo. We talked for about another hour, about everything from his days in Chicago to the homeless begging him for sausages. At two- thirty I staggered home drunk to the hotel. I crashed very hard and woke up at noon. I turned on the news and heard," Police are looking for leads in a horrific murder that happened dowtown overnight." Some of the details made me wonder if it was Michelle. I walked down to the scene of the murder which was behind Scruffy Murphy's which was right next door to Skinny's. There were police and crime scene units all over the parking lot. I walked over to the alley that the invstigators were walikng in and out of. I knew it was michelle. " Was that Michelle that was killed? I think this girl I've been seeing is the victim." I said. I was then asked by the FBI to walk into a nearby office to be questioned. That asked me rather intimate questions about her. They told me I was free to go afterwards. The next evening ,they announced that a very sick crime had been committed and announced that the name of the victim was Michelle MgGrath. I was sick for days and got even sicker when I discovered that friends of mine and hers were calling the Crime Line and saying that they thought I had committed the murder. I later took a blood test to clear my name. The FBI profiler was saying all along that I couldn't have done it, I learned later from someone who watched an episode of COURT TV several years later. It took me a few months after they caught the real killer to forgive him. I was sick and sad for several months. I forgave all the people that said that I did it. This took a very long time.

Works without love

I've done lots of good works in my life, but I haven't always loved doing it. Sometimes i get so caught up in doing the right thing that I actually miss the point. If someone came up to you scowling and gave you a million dollar check and didn't seem happy about it, would you want it? For some reason I don't think I would either. There is something important about being a cheerful giver. It tells someone that you genuinely care about them. God wants you to be happy about what you give to people because he is using you to bless somebody. He wants you to show his love to the world. If someone who is mean and nasty offers me something, often I don't want to accept it. I love a cheerful giver. You can't give the way Gods wants you to if you have reservations about doing it. God doesn't just want you to give. He wants you to give generously. You can not give generously if you don't have love. If you do give someone a large gift, without doing it with the love of God more than likely you do it to make yourself look Good. God wants us to share what we have. If you're not into sharing, may God convince you of who his money belongs too. God gives people stuff in the hopes that they will bless the world with it. May we all do this and please God.

Two miracles at one time

God decides what he is going to do, no matter how weird we think he is in the manner in which he does it. It is hard to put anything he does in a box. A man,Gary gets done having sex with a prostitute,Rachel, and is surprised to hear her talk about Jesus. She hasn't known Jesus more than a week and she hasn't done heroine the whole time. God was already working on her life even though she is a "dirty filthy bimbo." " I have to stop doing this, I think I really love Jesus," she says in tears. The man starts feeling convicted himself and starts to cry. " I have sinned against God." They grab each other very tightly and weep for several minutes. Gary leaves and says (wailing)," Bye Rachel. May god rescue us from our sin." They embrace each other for several minutes and he leaves. Gary ended up being a preacher and Rachel went to college and later became a school teacher. Five years later they married each other. They had a son, Glory. He ended up playing for the Miami Heat. This is not a true story, but this is not beyond what God can do. I believe that God can help people do whatever their heart desires. He may not always do what you ask him to, but he does have you in mind. God can restore all of your wasted years, and for you, I hope he does. Hope for a miracle every day. Maybe, just one day God will hear you cry out and show his power to you. An ordinary anything can become another ordinary someone else, in an extraordinary way. There is no limit to God.

The most high

I had an odd supernatural experience this afternoon. I walked into the Campus House of Prayer telling a friend of mine and another woman that my life seemed plagued with ulterior motives. I was at the point of grief about it. I was in tears, telling them that everywhere I looked I saw false motives. I look back on this and think that Satan was trying to make me feel guilty. I say that I want to do all things for God and no matter how much I mean it, I find that motives start to show up. I love God with all my heart, he is all I have, but Satan shows up to remind me that I am alone most of the time. I was absolutely stricken with sorrow. Then my friend got on the piano and started singing and then prayers and weeping and wailing poured out of our mouths. All three of us were sobbing and praying at the top of our lungs and speaking in tongues. I got up out of the chair and started walking around the room exalting God. After several minutes of this, I became amazingly giddy. I started laughing histerically. I ended up on the floor. I felt like my body was a shining light and I felt the peace of God. The ladies left and said good bye after they got done praying. I layed on the floor for a few more minutes. When I got up off the floor, I felt like I was high on marijuana, not just high, but really high.My face felt hot and I was not able to think about much anything for about fifteen minutes.

Is God mean?

Has God been mean to you? Have you ever spent the time to see if it's because of something you are doing? Do you hate him? Maybe you haven't forgiven somebody and your life is in a stagnant spot because of it. The bible says that God does not even hear your prayers, if you have anger in your heart toward somebody. If you are a believer, maybe God is refining you for your purpose. A construction site is ugly and a demolition is even worse. In order for God to change the old that is in you, he has to rip out. More than likely this would be painful and leave you torn in many places. Maybe he is helping you and you don't even know it. God may not answer your prayers, because you pray for the wrong things, which may be poison to your walk with him. Would a loving father buy his son a chainsaw for Christmas, if he didn't even know how to use a hammer. God loves us enough that he looks out for us. He doesn't want you to go to Hell. If god doesn't answer a prayer it means maybe later or NO, possibly for a good reason. Did you ever see Bruce Almighty? The movie was silly but had some very obvious points to it. If God everyone what they wanted at one time, it would more than likely be the worst disaster known to man. God is far more practical than we are. His wisdom makes us look foolish on our best day. I wonder how long it would take me to wreck the world if I was God. Maybe the things he doesn't bless you with are toxic for you? If you knew this, would you thank him? You also cannot expect God to roll out the carpet for you, if you speak nasty about him. He loves you. He is only doing what is in the best interest of your soul. If he is called the lover of our soul he is definitely not trying to damage his reputation. He really does love you. It might take years to see what he will do in your life. So, don't give up hope.

Repentance revisited

God is not mean, if you walk away from sin. He loves you and does not want anyone to be destroyed. His hope is that you will repent and draw near to him. The law is important and his statutes were not made to be broken. Although righteousness is achieved through Gods spirit, he does want you to strive and hunger for it as well. There is truth in telling people they need to repent, but the ways some people tell us seem contradictory to a loving spirit. I believe that these folks are a turn off. If anyone is teaching you that continual repentance is not important for salvation, you need to stay away from them. They are dangerous to your spiritual health. In effect this is a theology that leads believers to think that they are home free and can live in any bastard way they want to live. I urge you to cling to the law of God and the Old Rugged Cross. I hope that the damage that Zionist Christians have created will be erased by the love of God. May you see your sin as ugly to God, but may you also see the great hope he has for us. Nothing impure can dwell in Heaven that is impure, and the only way purity comes about is through repentance. Be sure and know that anyone who does not have Christ is still under ever letter of the law, down to not eating pork. If you repent you are a Son of God and all wrath will be thrown away, as far the East is from the West. There is no Diplomatic immunity for those who do not repent. Repentance is payment for your passport. It expires every time you sin, and is renewed again by repentance and submission to the law. Grace is your passport, it is the only way into heaven.

Who's an idiot?

Every idea is horrible until it works. Imagine what people thought the first time a surgery was performed. More than likely the first person that had an open heart operation died on the table. The critical eye calls every new thought idiocy. Who is an idiot? What is an idiot? The fool is the one who is too foolish to try something new. When all the old tricks don't work anymore, you have to create wild and new ones. Crazy is the word they use if they aren't sure you're idea will succeed. I wonder how many doubters mocked the Wright Brothers. Did people think that Thomas Edison was out of his gourd? Today we have airplanes and computers and devices, that at one time people never dreamed could exist. The crazy people invent everything and the rich people steal it. Crazies are the backbone of invention. People get jealous if you have a brain on your shoulders. Eggs are very delicious, but you would never know how good they were, if it weren't for the crazy man who ate the first one ever. I could just picture the moment... Some caveman is looking at a white oblong object dropped from a chicken's butt and he says," I want to try that!" In this day and age no one would be that inventive. You're an idiot until someone likes your ideas and crazy can become brilliant and brilliant can become crazy. There is a fine line between brave and crazy. You should never tell anyone what you're doing, if it's out of the box of normalcy( until you're finished). Everyone is crazy until some crazy guy decides that they're not and idiot anymore. Crazy and weird and normal are the most vague words of all. Some people say Hitler was crazy and some say he was brilliant. I think he was brilliant, but he had a lot of sick ideas. (and I think he was a dangerous lunatic).

Why I believe that predestination is absurd

I have a hard time believing in predestination. This sets God up to be the" fall guy" for everything and leaves people to blame him for their horrible life. I do not believe that a god of love would create someone just for the purpose of going to hell and give them a crappy life on top of it. I have a problem believing that I am just a chess piece for God to get what he wants. If we were indeed just robots, why would he need us to be thinking beings? Why would we need to exist if he already knows where we will end up? I wonder if there are some events that are predestined and others that are own choice. If every decision has been made for us, why do we need to decide anything? Maybe God has a destination picked out for you and you have to decide if you want it. I doubt seriously that God would set himself up to be blamed for everyone's misfortune. That would make him imperfect if he created humans to be little more than crash dummies. A can of corn is predestined to be eaten. A lawn mower was created to cut grass. Predestined to me means that there is no choice in who you become. If all our steps are remote controlled by God, why does he talk so much about rebellion in the old testament. How can you rebel, if God has decided every action that will occur in your life. That would mean that God rebels against himself and he would be a kingdom divided against itself. So God makes you a godless person and he gets to blame you for it?